On Loving YOU!

"I must learn to love the fool in me the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries." - Theodore Isaac Rubin
 
 

"You can explore the universe looking for somebody who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and you will not find that person anywhere." - Unknown



Photos via FGR

  
Suggested reading:
Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl - A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship

Love for Beginners

Dating can be very fun and exciting, especially when you meet your first love! The butterflies, the long love letters and the pure joy of knowing that you’re going to marry them someday!  

However, knowing how to choose the person to give your heart to can be very complicated to people in their twenties and thirties; let alone to someone who has never had a boyfriend or girlfriend and is still in high school. It’s important to know what to expect from potential dating partners when deciding if you’d like to know them them on a romantic level. It needs to be based on more than their good looks. Here’s an introduction of things for you to expect from a potential boyfriend. These qualities are very important for you to know as you begin your dating experience.

This may sound old fashioned to you… and frankly, it is. However, boys still expect you to know this very important rule and to follow it if they are to ever respect you.  Here it is: You want the boy to come to you. If you meet someone special who likes you, you will know. Wait and see what they are willing to do to spend time with you.  Let them do the work of finding you and asking you to talk, to visit you, to see you. You need to start thinking about loving a boy for what they are willing to do for you as opposed to what they want you to do for them. So if you have that thought process in your head, it's time to let go of it. The boy should come to you during the daylight hours to say hello, ask you on a date and take you for lunch, coffee, or for walks, or to meet your parents. This is the kind of person that you want to give your heart to because they can give the kind of love that you want in order to feel good about the relationship. They will always make you feel special and I mean really special. They might have what it takes for you to live happily ever after if you so choose. If you ever feel that you need to go to him for the attention you want from him, then what you really need to do is move on. Explore other options. The boy should want to pursue you. If he doesn’t, it’s a recipe for heart break.

Once you know that this boy is willing to take your relationship on as his responsibility, then you know that it’s okay for you to start letting him get to know you better.  You can start to spend a little more time together and do something special for him like make him cookies, buy him a cd, or something that you know he’ll appreciate. You can take your guard down a little. He’s earned it, and he will know that he needs to continue to treat you well in order for your relationship to grow. After you know that these desired traits are present and alive in your dating partner, you’ll want to make sure that you have enough in common with each other to be able to have fun together!  

If at any time, throughout your relationship this boy stops treating you with the same kind of love and respect he did when he was gaining your trust; it will be time for you to end your relationship. It is best to move on. You deserve to be treated equally as well throughout your entire relationship as you did in the beginning. He will be able to earn your relationship back the same way he did in the very beginning. Little by little until he has once again proved that he respects you and you can trust him again.  

The information I've shared here applies for men and women as well as young adults. For more questions on dating in the beginning please email TheLoveBlogger@gmail.com.

Photo by: http://www.tymilford.com/

Is He Hiding His Phone From You?

Uncomfortable and uneasy writes:

Dear Love Blogger,

My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months now. We live together and pretty much act like we're married. We've been through a lot together and I always thought we had an awesome relationship because we were always honest with each other, or so I thought.

Before we started dating he was with this girl from another state. They were only together for a few months I think, but she was honestly crazy. Him and his friends would tell me stories about how she was an alcoholic and addicted to Xanax and pain pills. When she would get drunk she would put herself in danger as well as act violently towards my now boyfriend and anyone else around her. My boyfriend said that he had decided to finally call it off with her when she destroyed his car and tried to harm herself, off course she was drunk when she did all of this. Recently I noticed my boyfriend had been acting a little standoffish towards me, and in particular had been very protective of his phone. He would even bring it in the bathroom with him when he was going to shower.

With my previous relationship I was cheated on, and one of the signs of his infidelity was him keeping his phone close to him at all times. So of course due to my previous experiences with relationships, when I noticed my boyfriend beginning to do this it was like flags were raised and I started to become paranoid and wonder what was going on.

When I first asked him why he was so attached to his phone he said that it was for no reason and didn't even notice that he was doing it. So it stopped for a week or so, but then his suspicious actions began again. Then one day he finally left his phone out while in the shower.  Now normally I wouldn't go through his phone unless he gave me permission or what not, but I had a gut feeling something was going on. And come to find out, I was right. He had been talking to his crazy ex- girlfriend for a few months now.

Their conversations were harmless, but it was the fact that he lied to me about talking to her. And she admitted to still having feelings for him, but he hadn't said anything like that back to her, at least in the text messages. And to make matters worse he saved her number under the letter "C". So after a few days of seeing all this, we were sitting in the living room watching t.v. and his phone rang. I looked at his phone before he could snatch it up and the caller i.d. said "C". My response was, "Wow, you think I'm stupid." By the look in his eyes I could tell he was caught off guard and he didn't know what to say. I leaned off of the couch because I started crying from frustration, and behind me I could hear his fingers clicking his phone keys. Turns out he was changing "C's" contact number to another friend of ours' number that has the same area code.

I went into the bedroom because I could feel a meltdown coming on. After I was in the room for a few minutes he walked in and asked me why I was freaking out, and said that I have no reason for not trusting him blah blah blah. Little did he know, yet, that I went through his phone and that I knew the truth. He tried to turn everything around on me and completely make me feel bad for saying that he lied to me.

His actions afterwards showed that he knew he was guilty. He was acting super sweet towards me the days following the incident. Then I told him that I went through his phone and I knew the truth, and he continued to lie to my face. After arguing for a while, he finally fessed up and apologized for what he did. But that didn't take back what he did and what he tried to get away with. All I wanted was honesty. I didn't care if he was talking to his ex-girlfriend.  All I wanted was for him to tell me he was talking to her. Now that I know that he was keeping it a secret from me, it makes me think that she still means something to him or that they still have somewhat of a relationship that's deeper than a friendship. It also sucks because he would always tell me how much he hated her, didn't want to be in the same state as her, how crazy and psycho she was, but all along he had been talking to her like nothing was wrong.

I want to try and make thing work, but I'm scared that I won't be able to completely trust him again. Even though this is the first time in our relationship where I've felt this way, it's a scary feeling for me and I'm not comfortable with it. What should I do?

Here's what Love Blogger SG had to say:

Dear Uncomfortable and uneasy,

I have to say that I am happy that you're catching your boyfriend with secrets after seven months as opposed to seven years. Take a look at the sentence that I just wrote. It included the words secrets and seven years. We’ll come back to that later.

From your message, I can tell that you have a lot of respect for yourself. You confronted him when you saw that she was calling and you asked him if he thought you were stupid. That's the healthy reaction to this situation, and you should be proud of yourself! However, he did underestimate your intelligence and to put it into perspective; he really didn't think you would figure out who he was talking to…. okay, now can you imagine if you were to spend seven years with this man and he's still hiding things from you?

I know that the two of you have formed a bond, and you do love him; however, seven months is not something that is too late to get out of. I would say that it might be time for you to explore your other options with men that are strong enough to tell you the truth instead of hide it from you. Second chances are great, but if you chose to stay with him, after a while issues like this will not seem weird to you anymore. Second chances turn into third, fourth, fifth, and on and on until you don’t even see a problem with this behavior anymore.

Wouldn’t it be easier to pull the band aid off now and find someone who can share honesty and truth with you? It’s hard to really love someone completely unless you know them completely, and unfortunately your boyfriend is not letting you know him. I think that there is someone out there that will show you who they are without hiding anything. That person will not tell you much about their ex girlfriend because frankly, that’s in the past. You’re their future.

I hope that this has helped you a little bit. No matter what you decide to do, I’m ready to answer your questions going forward.

Good luck and I’ll be thinking of you!

~SG

P.S. All relationships have their ups and downs, but on a normal day, the man of your dreams should make you feel like this:

Harper's Bazaar Australia November 2010

If They Want a Break... Give Them One.

If your significant other has decided they want a break there are steps you can take to get your relationship back on track with your self confidence intact and your chemistry on high. You'll want to read the advice I've listed for you below and follow it down to the very last word! It's time for some will power!

Step one: You need to tell yourself that you're worthy of a relationship in which each person is equally as committed and attentive to each other. There is someone waiting for you to come along so that they can love you unconditionally and whole heartedly. Expect nothing less of your current relationship or your new possibilities... period, the end.

Step two: Do not call the person who is breaking up with you at all. At all. In fact, go ahead and call your phone company and ask them to block that person's number. In order for that person to want to talk to you, they are going to need the opportunity to miss you. Hide your phone if you have to. Spend some time with your family and friends and write your venting and raving fits to TheLoveBlogger@gmail .com if that's what you need to do to stop yourself from trying to contact the very person who is currently breaking your heart. This is called self-respect. It's important that you have that so you don't let anyone walk all over you.

Step three: Think of the things you've been wanting to do with your friends and family that you haven't done because you were spending time with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Wipe your tears, put on a smile, even if it's fake, and go do those things! Have fun. While you're having fun and not calling, texting, emailing, facebook messaging your ex, they will be starting to wonder why they don't have ten missed calls all from you. Twenty somthing text messages saying 'I miss you' all from you. They might secretly start to worry that you're gone, that you've found someone else. That you don't quite miss them anymore. This is a great thing! Now they have to seek you out!

If you'd like to know what to do next, stay tuned to this blog or email: TheLoveBlogger@gmail.com!

Image: The Break-up.

Shall We Get Started?

Topic: Break-ups to Make-ups!
Author: Love Blogger SG 

Hello Friends!

I'm here to help you try to solve your current break-ups and unhappy relationship situations. I have plenty of experience helping my friends, family and in a past life, myself in this department. Thankfully, we've come out of some tough situations with our hearts intact and in most cases our exes wanting us back.

If you really want to get that special someone back into your life, I can certainly help you! I've seen many exes come crawling back almost on their hands and knees, not just in my personal life, but also in some of my closest friend’s love lives as well. If you follow my instructions, you will most likely be kissing and making up with your ex sometime in the near future. Before we begin, there are a few things I have to warn you about.

In the end, most of my friends realized that the one they won back wasn't exactly the right fit for them and decided to move on. Next!

Another small but crucial bit of knowledge you must know is that this process rarely works overnight. It could take days, weeks, months, even years for them to throw away their pride, depending on the level of stubbornness we have on our hands. I’m sure you know where I’m coming from here. 

I'm surely not making any guarantees. I’m not a psychiatrist, and I don’t claim to be any kind of love doctor, but unless your ex has decided that they're playing for the other team, the strategies that I've shared with my closest friends and family are about 90% successful. Now I'd like to share my knowledge and strategies with you. I look forward to helping you turn your situation around. Together, we should have your ex begging you to come back to them sooner rather than later! Shall we begin?

The Love Blogger Questionaire:

Tell me what’s been happening with your love life.

When did you start to notice things weren’t the same?

What sorts of behaviors from your special someone is leading you to believe that your relationship may be over?

Has your special someone broken up with you?

How did they tell you they wanted to break up?

Have they told you any reason for the breakup or for the change in their behavior? If so, what’s their story?

How many times a day do you try to contact them without success? Be honest please.

What do they say to you when you’re able to reach them?

Where do you want things to go from here?

How willing are you to follow through with my advice? Hint: Your level of willingness has to be pretty high for you to be successful in winning them back. It takes strength and an unbelievable amount of will power.

You can leave your love concerns as well as your answers to my questionaire in a comment, or send it over to my email address: TheLoveBlogger@gmail.com. I will respond to inquiries through comments, emails and some will be posted here on my blog.